We caved.
After 11 seasons of swearing never to lay sight on reality TV’s most extensively publicised show, we used our Labour Day holiday to sit down, take a deep breath and watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians. And surprisingly… it wasn’t all that bad.
Sure, the loss of brain cells isn’t something one can measure tangibly or externally, but we promise the damage done was insignificant. In any case, here are all our first reactions to watching the decade’s most famous family’s antics.
1. Horror
… upon first seeing that each episode is a good 40 minutes without commercials, and having it sink in that you’ve actually committed to giving away an hour of your life you’ll never get back. Oh god it’d better be worth it.
2. Being completely overwhelmed
They’re all there! In the same living room! All four Kardashians + two Jenners reclining on the couches of that enormous living room! I’m looking at the inside of the Kardashian home.
3. An indescribable mix of disgust and wonder when the 2 second-long opening theme rolls
“Look at all that money in one row.”
4. The instant silent agreement with the rest of the world that everything out of Kim’s mouth is a little vapid
5. Legitimate surprise that Kris Jenner has speaking roles
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Let’s not pretend we don’t all occasionally forget she exists.
6. Envy and awestruck wonder at Kendall’s raw perfection
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HOW?!
7. Confusion at internally comparing Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney’s resemblances to each other
And of course spending half the episode trying to remember which ones are Kourtney and Khloe. (Tip: Kourtney is blonde. *Edit: Oh my god, wait no, that’s Khloe. SEE.)
8. Gradual genuine appreciation for Khloe
She’s witty, honest, and seems the most down-to-earth of her sisters. Plus her brutal taking down of Kourtney’s flaky beau Scott was totally badass.
9. Being continually stunned at some of the things Kim and Kourtney say
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Oh well. We should have seen it coming.
10. Marveling at Kylie’s lips
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Those lip injection rumours are definitely true, bruh.
11. Shock at the fact that Kylie is actually pretty likeable
She might not look her age, but she sure behaves like a sweet, lovestruck little 18-year old (19 this year).
12. …Until she calls Kendall f****** annoying
Oh hell no.
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13. Amusement that there’s a lot of dramatic pouting going on
Played up by choice music and reality TV-signature camera zoom-ins.
14. Getting drawn into their family antics and bond
15. Slowly settling into the realisation that this is just another regular TV show, and that isn’t all that bad
Sure they’re a little self-absorbed, but they’re, genuinely, kind of just like any other family.
16. Surprise at yourself… for clicking on the next episode
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What is happening to me.
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