Ding Ding Ding! Christmas is barely a month away, and with great treats like Elizabeth Arden’s gift sets and Starbucks’ Christmas Tree Dark Mocha and all the super amazing wonderful gifts we’d like to receive to keep us pretty and our stomachs filled with warmth, it seems like the Christmas spirit only brings tidings of joy. And much like Grinch and Krampus play important roles in ringing in the aura of the season, the rather ironic effects of donning ugly sweaters have proven time and time again to be a rite of passage for many who want to really, how should we say, get into it. While we can’t cop to ever having tried out this cringe-y tradition (even if we have, we’re not telling!), the idea’s definitely popped into our minds once in a while. Here’re some of our top picks of ugly Christmas sweaters visually speaking not for the faint of heart. And kids, if you’re reading this: don’t try this at home!
1. The Tacky Christmas Sweater
Knit Christmas Sweater USD24.99, Hooded Christmas Sweater USD24.99, Knit Sweater USD24.99 from H&M US
To be fair, we’re not trying to disparage H&M for their ever-endearing Christmas sweaters we’re sure were made with sincerest intentions. But more often than not we’re nonetheless appalled by the quality of designs they manage to come up with. Just take for example this green T-Rex swathed in ferry lights that serves only the purpose of delivering a one-off cheesy pun. Or this elf costume that we’d dare say looks good paired with nothing. Otherwise, how about a green jumper that looks like it’s collected all the debris from the aftermath of a Christmas party rager?
2. The Innuendo Christmas Sweater
Sexy Christmas Tan Sweatshirt USD89.95, Sexy Christmas Chick Sweatshirt USD89.95, Big Booty Sweatshirt USD89.95 on Beloved Shirts
Remember Michael Scott from The Office‘s favourite running “That’s what she said” jokes? Imagine all them printed onto your sweaters and this is probably what it’ll look like. The dad bod has recently become a new kind of subversive sexy, so why try this sweatshirt which instantly makes you look like you have one and up the ante by having printed ornaments clipped onto your printed nipples? This Christmas-tree bra sweatshirt frankly looks less putrid placed beside it, and even less so is the peach-logoed one even though we can only imagine why anyone would want a peach that enlarged for the holidays.
3. The Celebrity Christmas Sweater
Dabbing Santa Trap Crewneck Sweater [Pink] USD34.99, Thicc Purple Crewneck USD55, Whoopi Octopus USD89
Remember 2 Chainz’s pink Trap House built earlier this year where he occupied a random abandoned apartment and literally painted it all pink? Rap fans flooded to it as a meeting ground and to snap pictures for Instagram, but the hype clearly hasn’t died down — you can now visit that house with this dabbing Santa sweater, and while it does look kind of cute, we’re not sure everyone will be able to pull it off. Beyonce can do no wrong, and with this Thicc purple sweater, she’s basically written what we’re all thinking so we don’t have to say it ourselves: don’t judge us, we’re gonna eat. Hanukkah is the lesser-celebrated Jewish holiday to Christmas, but it’s never not okay to wear a Octupus-menorah giving us The Little Mermaid meets Frozen vibes made by EGOT-winning TV show host of The View Whoopi Goldberg.
Now for some actually decent Christmas sweaters…
By now you’d have probably guessed it’s actually harder than it looks stumbling upon a good Christmas sweater that balances holiday cheer with a sense of style. These aren’t specifically meant to be worn during the Christmas time, and we certainly plan to wear them all year round, but taking them out on the streets and to family gatherings during the festive period somehow feels right.
Mansur Gavriel Cable-knit cashmere turtleneck sweater USD1,228.25, Gucci Bow-embellished ribbed wool-blend sweater USD1,605, Theory Karenia cashmere sweater USD486.03 on Net-a-Porter
Mansur Gavriel has us still yearning for their bucket bags in every wonderful pastel shade, but they also produce a great line of wearables and accessories. This cable-knit cashmere sweater is perfect for cuddling by the fireplace with loved ones over a marathon of must-see Christmas movies. If you’re in a theatrical mood, why not put on this Gucci bow-embellished sweater and start singing “Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow!” à la Annie, our favourite childhood heroine with fluffy orange hair. If all else fails, this Theory cashmere sweater in cinnamon orange is definitely outfit-appropriate for meeting Santa and kind of matches the colour of alcohol so even if you spill a little on yourself…
Header image: White Lake
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