Buy These Luxury Items If You Have Too Much Money

For a long time fashion was like watching a lion pace around its enclosure. Granted, the lion was extremely beautiful and majestic, and watching it grunt nonchalantly might’ve intrigued a kid enough to want to climb over its fence, but mingling with it up close and personal almost 100% guaranteed their mortality. It’s since revolutionised, so even literal toddlers like Coco Pink Princess can occupy a space on Instagram made for them.
But with the rise of consumerism in fashion, brands are finding it increasingly challenging to churn out collections of original ideas, and in a somewhat think-fast attempt to avoid the interrogation of police like Diet Prada, have come up with bizarre haute trash bags to extreme head-to-toe turn-offs. Even if you think you’ve everything money can buy, you don’t.
Proof, you say? We dare you to buy these priceless pieces!

Pull Up Your Socks, They’re Expensive

Thom Browne Grey Mid-Calf Four Bar Socks USD195, Prada White Logo Socks USD165, Gucci Beige Knee-High GG Socks USD200 on Ssense

With balloting for limited edition pieces and periodical “drops” becoming a mainstay for many luxury brands especially for footwear, it’s becoming more and more difficult to cop our favourite pieces in unique colourways just because the demand for those pieces are so high. If you bagged a pair of Chanel x Adidas NMDs or this exclusive pair of Triple S trainers it’s only right you don’t wear them with $3 ankle socks holed and stained by repeated wear. Not only do high socks look super funky dragged high when you’re in short shorts or skirts, a hint of design under business pants can do the trick of jazzing up an otherwise boring suit. Wear them with open-toe heels and cue the gags!

Bag Straps That Strap You For Cash

Fendi Studded Shoulder Strap USD895, Prada Gold-tone and shearling bag strap USD656.03, Anya Hindmarch Metallic textured-leather bag strap $403.68 on Net-a-Porter

Other brands are only one of two competitors of the It bag; the It bag chain is roping its way to the top. The monogramed Louis Vuitton Speedy can only go so far to send a message of classicism before blending into the background of the wearer’s personality. Bound to clutches or cross-bodies with removable handles, these crazily flamboyant straps are great for hooping around the pit of your elbow or flinging into the arms of a tragically cuckolded boyfriend. They’re great for flagging cabs in the middle of the night too.

Choose Super Excessive Accessories

Gucci Sequinned Headband $950 from MyTheresa, Louis Vuitton Nanogram Phone Ring Holder in Gold from Louis Vuitton, Balenciaga Chouchou textured-leather hair tie USD195 from Net-a-Porter

These are for the girl who chews gum 24/7 whilst twirling her hair whilst speaking in a baby voice. Anyone who rocks this sweatband branded “Guccification” in contrasting mauve and turquoise can’t really take offence to the person they’re talking to when they’re unable to maintain eye contact but instead keeps averting upwards. Think Will Ferrell in Blades of Glory meets Alessandro Michele if you choose this look. Let’s say you’ve just bought the iPhone X and you wanna watch Rob and Chyna on it while munching a caviar-dipped sandwich but you can’t stand leaning it on a tissue box and risk it sliding down, so you get this LV phone ring holder in gold to prop it up. It happens, right? Or what about this USD195 Balenciaga scrunchy that you casually bought online because you wanted to dress up as a cheerleader for Halloween, but then it accidentally became your poodle’s favourite chew-toy so you had to get another… hahaha, we’re not sour about it.
Header image: The Hollywood Reporter